thinking about it at the stoplight made me confused
because somehow this time was different
somehow you made it sweeter
the way i saw you even though the room was pitch black
how your breathing in my ear said more than a million words ever could
when you stopped and kissed me for so long
how you stayed there longer and i felt your heartbeat
for the first time in much too long
our unspoken understanding that this isn’t all we come for
even though at the door we said it was
the way you pulled me in for the goodnight kiss i always have to ask for
writing about it in my driveway made me smile
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Comments
This is brilliant piece.
So much vibrant imagery, yet I don't want it in my head, haha.
I know what you mean though, nights like those were great.
But little girl your coach has turned into a pumpkin.
Great writing Megs.
--
- I know that monkey, I think his name is Donkey..
- Monkeys aren't donkeys! Quit messing with my head!
--
Imagine.....
haha.
you're a fun girl.
you told me you were going to write something and post
it so i knew what it was about.
and to tell you the truth since it was planned i didnt think
this would be very good.
but i was wrong.
obviously.
amazing wokr meghan, you captured this very nicely.
:=fav:
bah.
--
Times I feel I wanna shout, man it's real that way
When I think of things that make you feel that way...
--
smoke weed. eat shrooms. shine on you crazy diamond
hahaha
i love this
is beautiful
amazing job !!!! wonderbar!
--
All this breaking news , just keeps breaking you
our unspoken understanding that this isn’t all we come for
even though at the door we said it was
the way you pulled me in for the goodnight kiss i always have to ask for
Love those lines, and really like the single line at the beginning and end. Breaks it up a little.
Try changing pitch black - it's been done!
Other than that, smashingly great!
Well done
--
The beginning of wisdom is accepting that you know nothing - Socrates
Liri
The reason why I don't like it is, you break the golden rule of poetry. And that is, Show, don't Tell. It's not enough to say, "She stood there. I felt her heartbeat. We kissed. This time it was different. This time you made it sweeter."
Show me those things. give me imagery, personification, similies/metaphors, and so on. The last line is great because I can picture you sitting in your driveway, writing poetry. The first line is pretty good, since I can picture you at the stoplight (although "I am confused" is telling and not showing, again). Everything else is rather uninteresting.
That's all I have for you. Take it or leave it.
--
Suture Staff.
or a scene from a previous relationship of mine...
you made my heart flutter! (well not you...the POETRY..that would just be creepy now wouldn't it?)...
thanks for writing this...brought back some lovely memories of happy times
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